my broken, exhausted heart

Well a couple of days ago when I went to see Nurse Paul (my amazing and precious nurse here at Union), he told me that he diagnosed two other students here within the last week with pilonidal cysts.  My heart just fell apart for them.  I don’t know their names, may have possibly seen their faces as we pass through the halls, but my heart breaks for them.  I know they have no idea what ahead of them (even if they are like the normal people who heal in a month, unlike me).  But when he told me about these students and how they had to go to the doctor to get the cysts lanced,  my heart was (and is) so heavy for them.  Obviously your in pain when this dumb thing for makes itself known, but you don’t know what type of pain to expect going into that first doctors visit.  And nothing can prepare you for that pain.  No words can describe it.  And not many people have experienced it, and thats why my heart is broken for these two other students, because they will have to go through something that is not easily relatable.  They are going to feel very alone and very hopeless.  They will have to schedule surgery, and I feel so bad that they will have to endure whats ahead.  Although, my circumstances have not been normal, and most people do heal after a month after surgery.  I want to sit down and talk with these students, tell them that despite the agonizing pain, it is temporary and they will get through it.  As hard as it is to fight through the pain each day, it is temporary and it won’t last forever.  I want to tell them that there are times when you feel like you can’t go on and there will be times when all you can do is cry and scream, but it is possible to fight through the pain.  There is hope, even though you feel so alone.  Hopefully I will be able to talk with these other two students, and tell them they will get through it.

My own healing is coming along slowly.  I’m so thankful for Nurse Paul and his wife.  His wife works at the Wound Management Center at the hospital here in Jackson, and that is where I go every Friday.  It is so great to have wound specialists being able to treat my wound and making sure it is healing properly.  So I’m there once a week and then I go to Nurse Paul every other day to change the bandage and dressing.  I did end up having an infection in it, so I was on an antibiotic, which I finished up yesterday.  This morning the doctor told me that the wound isn’t smaller, but it does look healthier.  So that is good, on the latter part.  I have to take a multivitamin each day along with extra supplements of Vitamin C, Zinc, and Iron.  I have to eat lots of protein too.  And on top of that, Nurse Paul said I need to eat an extra 1,000 calories each day.  It seems crazy, but my body is taking so much to heal itself that I need to give it extra fuel.  And I’m so exhausted, I get tired so easily and honestly could go to bed each night at 7.  I’m so drained, and although classes are demanding, I think the main thing is that my body is taking so much to heal itself that it is wearing me out.  And being so exhausted and tired really affects every other area of my life: my academics, my emotions, my relationships, building new friendships, and everything else.  This healing process is draining me, literally and emotionally.  I daily have to pray for strength and energy, because I get so tired and so worn out, so easily.  It’s so crazy how tired I get so early.  I’ll be so thankful when this all is over.  But I sure won’t ever forget the lessons I learned through all of this.  I surely won’t ever take my health for granted after enduring all of this.

~Sarah

Prayers

Hey, I we have made a new tab for prayers….anything that We are either praying about, or need some prayer on, we will put it there. As you can see, the tab next to about up there. Just click on it and there you are!

-Cory

Random

Well, this is going to be kind of random. There has been a whole lot of things going on in the lives of everyone right now, not just here in my dorm room or Sarah’s but in all the students on this campus and people in their lives. Whether it’s cancer or simply a tough job. Every body has something. It’s amazing. But anyway, I just wanted to write, even though I should be going to be because it is 11:00 and I have to wake up at 6:00am to get ready for work, but oh well. There is a lot going on with school being so hectic and health wise of people it can get draining. I am starting a new job tomorrow morning and I hope everything will go fine. I don’t think there is much to mess up anyway, I’m sitting in a shack watching people come in. Nevertheless there could be something to mess up, I always find those things in moments where you think there wouldn’t be…just ask Sarah. Ha.

It feels as if there is a hundred million words a second flooding my brain every time I step into a class room and the teacher starts to lecture. But the thing is, it isn’t stuff I don’t care about….like in high school, I mean we can all be serious here, we are grown people, high school is a social event to most people. But here the knowledge is something I want to inquire, I want to keep everything stored in my little brain and then keep it. I am so grateful to be going to this school and to have the great professors. It is an amazing honor and privilege to be lead in a direction that all I am to do is teach, but not English and Math, but η λέξη του Θεού (the word of God). We have read many short essays from people like C.S. Lewis and Richard Weaver, who have these ideas as learning and studying are gifts from God and if we are to be allowed to study, anything, that we should do it and to not do it would be a sin. What a wonderful thought. It makes me want to study even more! But to be surrounded by the Word everyday and diving into it to find out that Luke was a Gentile writing to Gentiles tell you a whole bunch of facts you just miss out on when you are just reading it. The words (rema) become more clear, the way he writes becomes defined.

It is an awesome (expensive) experience to be here and retain the knowledge  I have to share the Ευαγγέλιο (Gospel) better than I ever could. Well, the food is ok here. Its food…I can’t complain. Sarah keeps on forgetting her camera (ok ok I forget to ask her), but I’ll try and get some up so that you guys can see what Union is all about. Yeah, haven’t written in a while. Busy body.

-Cory

Old Yearbook Pictures

Super Busy and Still Adjusting

Well, Cory and I haven’t written anything in awhile.  And I think it is pretty much because we are so busy.  It’s Sunday night and tomorrow we start our third week of school.  And we both are loving it.  I really love this school and love the people here.  I completely believe that this is where we are supposed to be.  Our professors are awesome and we are learning so much.  It’s hard to believe we’ve only been in school for two weeks.  We’ve gotten bombarded with so much information, and not just academic information, but information that quenches our souls.  It is so awesome to study the Word and learn more about it in class.  I am just thrilled to be here.  But all our classes are definitely demanding.  We have to read so much for each class.  In all honesty, all of our free time outside of the classroom is spent studying.  Right now my mind goes crazy thinking about getting a job.  I know I need one, but I have no idea how I’ll be able to work on top of all of this studying.  And one thing I’ve definitely learned over this past year is to not get too busy, to take things slow and enjoy the present time, not always living in preparation for tomorrow, but simply enjoying today.  And even though I may not be able to financially be at a place others would expect me to be at for the future, I know I am enjoying where God has placed me now, and I want to take this opportunity of being able to attend Union and live it to the fullest, learning as much as I can and studying and developing my heart and mind.

Anyway, I really do love it up here and know that this is the place for me.  Although classes are demanding, it is very rewarding gaining the knowledge that we do.  And that comes with great responsibility.  But all in all, things are going very well.  We are meeting some really awesome people.  The atmosphere is really great here and the professors really want to help all of us succeed.  And even more importantly they care about us spiritually, which is so awesome.  Even in Greek, we spent the first class period talking about how even though the class will be difficult and will take a whole lot out of us, we should see it as worship.  I’m so blessed to be here, and don’t want to take it for granted.  I’m excited for the days ahead.  It’s crazy how busy we have been the past two weeks.  We really have spent most of our time in the coffee shop type place called Barefoot’s Joe here, studying and reading.  Of course, we are still adjusting, still meeting people, still trying to figure out the best way to manage our time.  But overall, things are coming together.

Thank you for your prayers   Please continue to pray for Cory and I as we continue making friends and building relationships, and pray for us to be able to handle our work load, and also to find a church home here to worship and serve at as well as finding jobs or ways to provide financially.  And please pray for my parents house to sell down in Florida, please please pray for that, it really needs to sell!  Love you all!

~Sarah

Praise God!

Well I went to the doctor on Friday.  My school nurse’s wife drove me there (cause she works there).  I checked in at the outpatient area in the hospital and after registering, there was a problem with my insurance.  It was showing that it was inactive.  So I had to go back into the waiting room, and after a few phone calls to my dad we figured out that the only reason it was inactive was because they hadn’t gotten my new course schedule so it wasn’t showing in the (insurance company’s) system that I was a full time student.  So thankfully it was just a minor thing, although it was frustrating.  And after sitting there for an extra hour and a half in the waiting room, I was able to finish registering and then thankfully I was still able to be seen in the wound care center, even though my appointment time had passed.  I left outpatient and went down the hallway to the wound care center.  I cannot explain how nervous I was.  So many thoughts and feelings and past pains were running through my mind and I could not hold back the tears.  I met some lovely ladies that worked there.  They were all so sweet and so nice and caring.  When the doctor finally came back, what she had to say was so positive!  She said that she didn’t think the wound was infected and as long as it continues to be properly looked at and bandaged and taken care of, it should heal very quickly.  I was thrilled that the Lord protected me from infection and from the possible pain I was expecting to go through.  Praise the Lord!  So I was put on a new plan to get on track with healing.  I will go to the wound care center at the hospital once a week till I’m all healed up.  And every other day I will go to Nurse Paul at school and he will change the dressing and clean it.  My predictions a few months ago were right about becoming good friends with the nurse at school   And even though I missed two classes on Friday, one of them (which I was nervous about missing, since we had a quiz and its the most demanding) didn’t even meet since it was our first chapel and also dedication of the new dorms ceremony; so the Lord was just orchestrating everything in such an awesome way.  Anyway, I need to go get ready for church now, but I am so thankful that God was watching over me and allowed me, this time around, to not have to deal with much pain.  It is definitely weird though laying in the bed in the room and not knowing what to expect, of course I expect to go through what I’ve already been through, after hearing the same initial words about “infection and opening back up.”  I just laid there saying Psalm 23 over and over.  And it is amazing how much Scripture can encourage you and comfort you and remind you of the Truth of God’s character and love for you.  Praise God the procedure wasn’t as bad as before!  Thank you so much for your prayers!!!

~Sarah

Really?!??!

Well first of all, this has been our first week of classes.  I must say it’s gone good.  This week has definitely been exhausting though.  It’s tiring getting used to a new schedule and going to classes again and walking around so much.  Naps are becoming a daily priority for me   But anyway, classes are good.  The professors here are so awesome.  They really are.  This semester Cory and I both have Greek, Old Testament Survery, Bible Study and Interpretation, New Testament Survey, and Sophomore Seminar (a writing class thats required).  So we definitely have a full load.  It’s been a blessing that we are in some of the same classes.  It’s great to have the encouragement and accountability and stuff.  More than anything we have so much reading to do.  We have hours of reading each day for all our courses, but Greek is going to take the most out of us.  It is truly very demanding and requires lots of studying each day.  I think it will be well worth it though.  And our professor tries to remind us that this isn’t just a course, but a way to worship the Lord and draw closer to Him.  It’s so cool to have professors that really care about you and your spiritual walk.  Just like Cory said, it’s such a huge blessing being able to attend this school, and it’s something that neither one of us takes lightly.  We are so humbled and gracious that this opportunity has come our way and so glad we are here experiencing this.  There are definitely tiring, frustrating, and tough times that have come about and will come ahead, but I know this is where we are supposed to be, and I’m so glad to be here.  So the first week of classes has gone well, its been a bit overwhelming, and I know Cory and I both are ready to get into the swing of things and get going with classes.  It’s going to be a demanding semester but in the end our God is going to be glorified and that is so exciting!

And even though the classes themselves have been good, this week hasn’t necessarily been the greatest in other areas.  Making friends is hard, especially when you’re coming in as a transfer, as a junior.  But I know God has a plan and I know we’ll meet just the right people who we will become great friends with.  It’s only the first week, so I know there is lots of time ahead, but it feels like its going to go by really fast.  I did have a great dinner with my RA and one of my roommates, we just had a great time of fellowship and talking and getting to know each other and praying together.  It was refreshing and encouraging and so wonderful.  It’s definitely something I needed and desired and I hope the friendships I began to make tonight will grow.

But despite it being tough to make friends, I was also feeling a bit of discomfort the past couple of days with my wound area (to put it nicely)    So today, with Cory pushing me to go   I went to see the college nurse.  Nurse Paul is the nurse here on campus and after meeting him for the first time today, he is such a sweet and caring and encouraging and gentle man.  I’m really grateful he is here.  But anyway, I went to him today and he saw my wound and told me that it is infected, once again.  The tears started flowing right when he said that cause I knew what that meant.  His wife actually works at the wound care center here in Jackson and so he called there and was able to get an appointment for me tomorrow (Friday) morning at 8.  That’s not really something I’m looking forward to.  I cry just thinking about it.  It’s not going to be surgery, where I’ll be under.  But I wish I was.  I won’t know exactly what the procedure will be like till they look at it tomorrow.  But I have a feeling its going to be a bit like that first E.R. visit.  And I can’t even handle just thinking about that.  It’s really weird going into something knowing the pain of it.  It’s one thing to go into something having no clue, but it’s another to go in already having experienced it.  And I can’t handle it.  And my parents were by my side the other time, and waiting for me after the surgeries, but this time it’s just me.  And that’s scary.  I’m scared to death, I’m nervous and I don’t understand why I have to have another procedure.  A thing that was supposed to take a month to heal has turned into 10 months.  10 months of daily dealing with this issue.  Each day waking up and having to face this and tell myself its temporary, even when it feels like its not.  Can I really be having to go through this again?  Really?  I honestly don’t understand it, and I know we won’t understand most of the suffering we go through in this life.  I just don’t think I can take anymore.  I’m tired and worn out and I thought it was over.  But it’s not.  And I’m still tired and worn out and even more exhausted from dealing with this.  I’m scared to death of the appointment in the morning.  I don’t know exactly how long it will take or what it will be, but I just know they have to open it up a little more to get the infection out and let it heal properly, again, but I won’t be out.  They’ll probably numb the area, like they did that first time, and I can’t handle it.  I know my God can though.  And that’s what is helping me get through this.  I surely can’t handle anymore, but my Jesus is so much bigger than this.  It hurts Him to see me hurting, but sometimes I can’t help but question why do I have to go through this again.

I know this was long, I’ve seem to have a lot going through my mind and heart right now.  It’s hard to prepare yourself for something like this.  Please pray for me tomorrow.  My appoinment is at 8.  I am actually meeting Nurse Paul’s wife at 7:45 at the clinic here on campus, and she will drive me to the hospital where the wound specialist center is, and then Nurse Paul will come pick me up.  Please keep me in your prayers.  I am praying for strength and courage and just the ultimate feeling of His embrace.  I can’t go through it on my own, thats for sure.  I really can’t believe this is happening again, but I’m in God’s hands, and have been throughout these whole 10 months.  Physical suffering is such a weird thing.  It’s so hard to understand at times, but it’s almost not to be understood.  It might just be something that causes you to run into your Father’s arms and be held by Him.  I will try to write an update tomorrow.  Please please keep me in your prayers.

~Sarah

And on a side note-please pray for our house to sell in Florida, it really really really needs to sell this month!

College through my eyes…

Well its about 10:53 in the p.m. and I am just getting off of a little meeting about RA’s and stuff we can and can not do. It was a very informative meeting. But they biggest struggle I am having here at college is not fitting in and it is not finding friends or anything like that. It is the fact that I feel like I am here to only learn….and secertly I want that…..but sometimes I see my self just sitting around in my free time to study Greek or read the Bible. But so many people around here do so much other stuff and are always out and about. But this is such an awesome oppurtunity to be in this school and get an education at a private school that is very Christ centered and promotes such a Godly view. And some people are here just because. But I feel like I have came here to learn. And then take what I learn to anywhere the Lord leads me. I guess it feels like I am taking it more serious than many people here. Oh well.

Me and Sarah are doing good. She has had some complictaions health wise and just needs some encouragement. Who knows what the Lord has in store for her!
Its late…got to sleep…I love sleep. Well I hope that me and sarah can get up some pictures for you guys. The dorm and other stuff around campus.

-Cory

Focus/Camp

Well Cory and I moved into school on Thursday.  And from Thursday through today (Sunday) we have had to take place in a thing called Focus, which is basically orientation for new students (freshmen and transfers).  All the new students are split up into Focus groups and have 2 leaders, one male and one female, and you go through different seminars and planned events and different things throughout the weekend that help you get comfortable with the school and basically find out information about anything you would need to know.  We’ve been joking around about how its a lot like student camp.  And in all honestly you can’t really get away from that layout, but if you’ve ever been to any youth camp before, thats what this weekend has been like for us.  Thankfully though all the transfer students are in one Focus group together (its the biggest group, with like 70 of us) so its good to meet people who are all in the same boat as you.  Its been good to have these past couple days to get all situated and organized in our dorm rooms.  Cory is in one of the new ones, I’m in one of the older ones, and the one thats farthest back.  So I definitely have a long walk to class and all the other buildings.  But I won’t complain.  Our dorms are amazing.  All the dorms are apartment style.  Its 4 bedrooms per dorm, with a bathroom, kitchen, and living area.  Each person has their own room and each room has a closet, dresser, desk, bed and some extra shelving above.  In the new dorms (they are brand new this year after the tornado that came through in February), they have two bathrooms and also a washer and dryer.  I have to go to the commons area to do my wash.  But still, I can’t complain at all.  The setup is very nice.  So anyway, we’ve gotten settled and also gotten more aquainted with the campus itself.  Its not a huge campus, but its still easy to get confused.  Despite it being like camp, the weekend was very well put together and I’m glad we had the time we did with other transfers and getting to know the school more.  Honestly, no question was left unanswered this weekend, the Union staff and faculty and student leaders are amazing.  One of the greatest things I learned this weekend was how wonderful the faculty is.  Honestly, the professors here are amazing, and they are so willing to help you and support you.  Even in the short time I’ve spent with a couple of them, I’ve been blown away at how helpful, understanding, nice, and kind they are.  Cory and I start classes tomorrow, so we’ll be able to tell a little better how the semester is going to be.  Keep us in your prayers as we start this semester!  Hopefully it won’t be too overwhelming.  All in all, I truly believe we made the right decision in coming here and I know God has a plan and is working in everything that is happening.  I’m excited to see how the next few months play out!

~Sarah

A New Beginning

So this might be kind of long.  I move into my dorm tomorrow, and wanted to write this before the craziness of the semester begins.  But there seems to be a lot to say.  So hopefully you’ll bear with me, here it goes…I can’t believe it is already September.  This year is going by so fast, but at the same time, it seems like has gone on forever.  2008 has been a crazy year for me.  There is no doubt about it that this has been a(nother) year of testing and trials.  Hardships aren’t really new to me.  I’ve dealt with a lot, my family has dealt with a lot, and we have overcome a lot.  There constantly seems to be some sort of trial going on, whether it be physically or emotionally or spiritually or academically.  There is always some battle going on, some fight to persevere through.  And this year has not been an exception.  I have endured many emotional hardships and challenges and pains.  But before this year I had never experienced the harshness of lasting physical pain.

A select few people have heard my story from these past months, and some have walked through the valley with me.  I won’t go into detail, but from Christmas 2007 to today, I have been daily dealing with a physical battle.  It has been an annoyance, an inconvenience, a struggle.  After an E.R. visit, two surgeries, weekly doctor visits, and home care I can safely say that the events of this year and all that I have gone through will never be forgotten.  The lessons I have learned through all of this will always be near to my heart.  The physical pain I encountered this year was unbearable, horrible, excrutiating, and beyond words.  And all in all, its not finished.  I’m still not healed.  As I realized that “one month of healing” wasn’t going to be the case for me, I prepared to fight more and endure more, but I never thought I would still be dealing with this.  My prayer and hope was to be healed by the start of school, but that didn’t happen.  I guess I will become pretty good friends with the nurse on campus

Anyway, through the pain of this year, the Lord continued to teach me and guide me and protect me in ways I couldn’t imagine.  When this all first starting happening, I had no idea was the lesson behind it was or anything of that nature.  How could God teach one of His children a lesson if she is suffering?  I learned that He does.  And in the midst of suffering, when the Lord speaks its like a rainfall during a drought.  It calms and comforts and protects and keeps and nourishes and hydrates and soothes and relieves.  The Lord taught me many things, the first was that I need to slow down.  Prior to my Christmas day E.R. visit, I had been extremely busy.  I worked three jobs and took my college courses online.  Each day was filled in my planner.  I barely had time to sleep.  And when I slept I felt guilty because I had so many other things I could have been doing.  I was too busy.  I never said no and, once again, I over committed myself.   I continually heard God say to slow down, not make so many commitments.  But I kept at it, saying it was only for a season and I could do it, and I couldn’t let other people down.  And since I didn’t listen, God helped me to learn the lesson the hard way.  Since I didn’t lessen my commitments or workload, He did it for me.  But it cost me a lot, and it was painful.  But going through this helped me realize why the Lord wanted me to say no to a job that I wanted to pursue last fall.  He gave me such a peace about it, as I realized there was no way I could have gone through all I did without my mom and support from my family and closest friends.  My mom and Cory were the two people who stood by my side day in and day out; they were the greatest support and caregivers ever.  Anyway, there was no way I could have started a job and then immediately had to take time off for a couple months to recover.  I was so thankful God cleared things up about that decision and was glad He helped me see His plan in that “no” I had to give.  Also, my recovery process made me hold off in getting an apartment out by UCF.  I was planning on going there, after I said no to that one opportunity.  And by not getting the apartment, not signing a lease, not putting down my deposits at UCF, it gave me the freedom to walk down a different door God had planned to open for me.  And that is where I sit now.  Tomorrow I move into my dorm at Union University.  And even though I’m still trying to figure out the need for the second surgery, I know the Lord had a plan behind it.  It is so awesome to see how He works and hear how He speaks and see how He leads and guides.

And on top of this, my decided to go ahead and move despite the house not selling.  My dad has been commuting for the past year, and my parents wanted my sisters to be able to start school on time.  So even though the house is still on the market, we moved up to Tennessee.  We have been here for a little over 3 weeks now, and unpacking and organizing and all else has been crazy!  My brother left for school a couple weeks ago out in Maryland.  So things are changing, thats for sure.  Its a new beginning for everyone in my family.  Each of us are adjusting.  And each of us are going through different things personally.  And each of us have been affected somehow by this move.  We are all in a state of transition, and moving again has definitely taken a toll on all of us.

So with all this behind me, I’m ready to step into a new chapter of life.  I’m ready, so ready, to have a new beginning; to start a new journey.  I couldn’t be anymore ready to be in a new place, meeting new people.  I’m excited to take what I have learned these last months (and years even) and apply it to this new era.  There is no doubt that more struggles and trials will come.  And when they do I will be ready to fight, holding within me the victories over every other trial I’ve overcome and the lessons learned through them.  My God is amazing.  He has given me a new beginning, and a new chapter.  I’m so ready for it and so excited about it.  This new beginning has come at the perfect time.  I am definitely ready to start new, and when I wake up in the morning the new chapter begin to be written.  Praise God!

~Sarah

*And please pray for healing for me, and for our house in Florida to sell!